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- a sluggish memory
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Wednesday, September 19, 2007
why are you so good at just hurting me. i understand that you mean for good things to happen but you dont care because the goal is nothing but the result. and all he cares about is just not caring about anything else but getting everything drilled on. its been quite an alright term so far. my results this past two weeks havent been that bad. and life these two weeks havent been too bad either. but sometimes it just gets you down when everything from term 3 bites you back. i dont want to crash next week. i dont want to trip up. you do a great job guiding me through but the other half time you spend knocking me down. i guess i'm also not correcting my defensiveness and internal short temper. and thats my fault. although you may have played a part in making me that, i'm trying also to learn that its stupid, cowardly and immature to blame someone else for their own shortcomings. so fine. dammit. i think i'm forgetting what warmth and comfort and security feels like. the world is like a tangled mess where you cant let your guard down anymore. and if youre one getting affected by my bastard behaviour, i'm sorry. i dont mean it. but i wont cover up for myself anymore. father, i'm sorry for my wrongdoings. please forgive me. |
